Thursday, November 6, 2008

Need a Laugh?

I sure did! I got this as an email from my mom this morning. Every so often, she hits the jack pot.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against him are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's? rest-room.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the? bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the '? Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled? very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'??

You're Welcome.
The Almighty Liz

10 comments:

timpani76 said...

Someone sent me this a while back, and I laughed pretty hard. It was funnier than most jokes that I get forwarded to me ;)

The Marinator said...

LOL, I got a great email yesterday I almost posted on my blog as well. Sometimes we're so alike...

Andrea said...

Awesome! Loved it. And...the restaurant idea is brilliant! Retiring to an island...that was pure GENIUS!

lizS said...

hooray! easy riches, here we come, lol!

Renae said...

You know, I've actually done a couple of those things. Funny.

lizS said...

why am i not surprised renae?

Dana Cheryl said...

We should all talk about the crazy things we've done in Walmart...

I once raced friends on one of those huge bouncy balls that has a handle and you sit on it and bounce around. There were four of us and it was around three in the morning and we bounced all over walmart. We got in trouble of course but it was totally worth it!

Bruce said...

holy crap! dana is alive. i was starting to wory. i was going to get your # and call to see if you had been killed by a cerial killer. glad to see you back. and i have gotten into trouble many times at wal-mart. once todd and i got yelled at for sliding around the stoor like we where on ice scates. we just had regular shoes but for some reason we could push off and glide like on ice. it was great fun until some D. Umbridge wanna-be crunched our good time.

Dana Cheryl said...

Walmart people should lighten up. They have insurance and dang it in a small town Walmart is about all we've got for entertainment. lol

Anonymous said...

ha ha that was hilarious!!

~jess