Okay, I am officially FREAKING OUT. Now, I do believe I've done well up to this point. I've gone supply shopping and not a blip on the monitor. I've talked to Jonni about strangers, and felt no anxiety. I talked to her about teachers and classroom rules and being nice to the other kids and getting on the bus, and everything that goes with this new phase we are barrelling towards, and felt just fine. But last night we attended Jonni's kindergarten round-up, and suddenly it hit me; my baby, my little girl, my Jonni is going into KINDERGARTEN. I will not only have to change my entire routine, which I knew and was pretty much braced for, but I won't get to see her for a huge portion of the day. I thought I was good with this, I felt prepared, even fleetingly happy to have her off my hands for long periods of time. (For those of you who don't know, my girl is just a bit...difficult. Strong-willed is a good description.) However, I didn't think about the fact that that meant someone else was going to be responsible for her. I don't know this silly teacher from Adam! Or Eve! How do I know she's nice? How do I know she'll just let Jonni be for a few weeks 'cause Jonni gets super shy and won't talk for a long time? How do I know if she's competent? What the heck am I thinking, handing over my precious little girl to a building full of strangers who could all be child molesters, as far as I know? And handing her off to a bus. Just let someone else drive her around?? But the worst is, and this is what I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around, is that there is no going back. Can you believe it? Now she's in school, and she's no longer even remotely my baby. She's a KID. A bonefide dyed-in-the-wool kid. Can I handle this? Can I handle all this responsibility and growing-up stuff now? I still can't even get up before ten in the morning, now I need to have my child up and clothed and fed and teeth brushed and all her school stuff packed and on the bus by 8:25am?? What was I thinking here? Having kids I mean. I really thought I could handle this? This horrible wrenching letting go crap? Ugh. Never mind.
If you think this is bad, you should have seen me last night after the round-up. *shudder*
The Almighty Liz