Wednesday, August 13, 2008

My Baby

Okay, I am officially FREAKING OUT. Now, I do believe I've done well up to this point. I've gone supply shopping and not a blip on the monitor. I've talked to Jonni about strangers, and felt no anxiety. I talked to her about teachers and classroom rules and being nice to the other kids and getting on the bus, and everything that goes with this new phase we are barrelling towards, and felt just fine. But last night we attended Jonni's kindergarten round-up, and suddenly it hit me; my baby, my little girl, my Jonni is going into KINDERGARTEN. I will not only have to change my entire routine, which I knew and was pretty much braced for, but I won't get to see her for a huge portion of the day. I thought I was good with this, I felt prepared, even fleetingly happy to have her off my hands for long periods of time. (For those of you who don't know, my girl is just a bit...difficult. Strong-willed is a good description.) However, I didn't think about the fact that that meant someone else was going to be responsible for her. I don't know this silly teacher from Adam! Or Eve! How do I know she's nice? How do I know she'll just let Jonni be for a few weeks 'cause Jonni gets super shy and won't talk for a long time? How do I know if she's competent? What the heck am I thinking, handing over my precious little girl to a building full of strangers who could all be child molesters, as far as I know? And handing her off to a bus. Just let someone else drive her around?? But the worst is, and this is what I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around, is that there is no going back. Can you believe it? Now she's in school, and she's no longer even remotely my baby. She's a KID. A bonefide dyed-in-the-wool kid. Can I handle this? Can I handle all this responsibility and growing-up stuff now? I still can't even get up before ten in the morning, now I need to have my child up and clothed and fed and teeth brushed and all her school stuff packed and on the bus by 8:25am?? What was I thinking here? Having kids I mean. I really thought I could handle this? This horrible wrenching letting go crap? Ugh. Never mind.
If you think this is bad, you should have seen me last night after the round-up. *shudder*
The Almighty Liz

14 comments:

Everyone Admires Mary said...

Liz, you will send your daughter to that horrible place of no return because it is the law. You have to - or face losing her to the foster care system. And anyway, you KNOW she's gonna have a great time, and that she needs time away to make her appreciate home! :) Kindergarten will be great, and she'll be happy and make lots of new friends and guess what? She'll still need you.

Dana Cheryl said...

Just think of the alternative... Homeschooling! Which would be worse? Letting her go to school or having her stay at home?! ;)

Seriously though I'm glad that you knew you could "talk it out" with us. You're in an especially unique situation sending the first one off to school. It influences the entire family dynamic requires hugh adjustments. If I were in your situation I would probably be feeling a little helpless and out of control. Cause in some ways I would be.

Yet worst case scenerio is that she doesn't adjust, it's too difficult for the family, and then you homeschool... Chances are that she'll love it being that she's strong-willed and she'll enjoy the level of independence it affords her.

Also it'll give you some one-on-one time with Erik similiar to the way it was with Jonni before he was born.

You're gonna do great! Thanks for blogging all about it... I'll keep you in my prayers as I know how you're struggling to regain your health. God will help too. :)

lizS said...

thanks guys. i'm really feeling those prayers this morning; i feel alot better! and yeah, you're both right, she'll be fine. she will definitly love the fact that she's independent, she'll make tons of friends, and erik will love the one on one with mom. jonni went and stayed with grandma for a week during the hieght of my illness, and john and i were both worried about how much erik would miss her, because he worships her. but he was totally fine. he really flourished under the individual attention. i'm not saying he didn't miss his sister, he did. but he really loved having the break i think, lol! so we will be fine. i was just having a heart attack last night, i'm good now though, lol!

lizS said...

oh yeah, and homeschooling?! i will do it if it needs to happen for some disasterous reason, but other than that...over my dead body!

Dana Cheryl said...

LOL! Homeschooling over your dead body... Let's hope it doesn't come to that! :)

Seriously though I'm glad you're feeling better. I'll keep ya in my prayers as the adjustments continue.

p.s. How did you get past relinquishing the Social Security card info?

lizS said...

can you believe, i had to give it anyway!? i totally let them know what i thought about that, and also that i would hold them resposible if my daughter's identity was stolen. that reminds me, i need to write a letter to the principal, because the only reason they need it is for filing. like they can't give each kid an individual number instead of using the ss#!! anyway, if the principal won't listen, i'll go above her head, because this is RIDICULOUS.

Bruce said...

man your lucky our kids are off to the bus at 7:25. you get a whole extra hour. and going over the principals head, if your not careful your going to be one of the parents they talk about in the teachers loung. you dont want to make jonnis life at school harder do you.

Renae said...

I know what you mean. The years are FLYING by! I swear it was just yesterday that Lydia started Kg. Next year she will be in freaking middle school! AAAHHH!! (screaming, not sighing) Ross just barely started kg 2 seconds ago, and already this is his last year at the k-3 school! Crap, next year I'll have kids in three different schools. Too hectic.

lizS said...

yeah, you're making me feel soooo much better renae! just kidding, i actually do. i only have two! (for now anyway) i really just can't get my head completely around this. THREE DAYS, and jonni will be off to her FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. crazy!!

lizS said...

and bruce, i totally don't care if they talk about me in the teachers lounge. like i care what they think! if it gets this stupid outdated and dangerous program they have running their school, i'll be happy. and if they take out on my daughter, i'll take it up with a lawyer. that simple.

lizS said...

i meant if it gets the program changed of course.

Dana Cheryl said...

I swear to you right now. I will homeschool my future children before I turn their social security numbers over to their schools.

As a victim of identity theft I know the awful nightmare that it is... They've wrecked my credit so badly that I couldn't get any kind of loan and it would also hinder my chances for several jobs!

Right now we're looking at least a year and a half to get this issue resolved.

Also school's are one of the most notorious for stealing info. I say fight the good fight Liz! In several states it's completely against the law for agencies to even ask your ss#!

Andrea said...

I'm in the same boat and I know exactly what you mean. I mean, I am trusting this stranger to tell my boy what to believe all day. I'm turning him over to a bunch of strangers who very well may be crazies...ok I 'm not making this better. I better stop...good luck! Know that if you fall apart we'll probably be doing the same here!

Big E said...

Liz, I know how you feel. I had a bit of panic the other night when Timpani reminded me that Vance would be taking the bus. I was pretty happy in my lucky little "mommy takes Vance to school world." Aggghhh!

Timpani told me that since she is a "domestic goddess/warlord/homemaker" that we have homeschooling as a back up. That way if someone starts saying that our kids are bad people because they don't believe in two daddies, no daddies, rewritten history, moral relativism, etc. we can say "bye bye."